A Tribute To Medieval Times
Lyrics by Paige deRosa
So the man turned around and sat down near a stream,|
he thought so long and hard that he fell into a dream.
When he woke from slumber, he heard a raging storm,
then felt as all around him, heaps of bodies began to form.
Grumbling quite angrily, he returned to the field of war,
and was instantly seized by a mad, ravenous whore,
whom he had left abed a simple night before,
and neglected to compensate for the service that she bore.
Throwing the whore roughly to the ground beneath his feet,
he felt the earth below him shake; the soldiers’ marching beat.
“Draw steel, you talky wench!” he spat straight into her face
Too little too late she thrashed him; he couldn’t keep the pace!
Rather blind and vexed, the man limped sorely away,
searching for his steed who had run the other way
After searching high and low had pissed him out of his wits,
he walked away still shielding those sacred little bits.
He came upon a soldier, a fellow man at arms
running madly away from the swelling Saxon swarms
In a final show of courage, he urged the man take flight
then stood before the hoardes, to set all things aright.
“Now listen you,” he yelled aloud, “listen one and all.
My life I give to you, so that no other has to fall.”
bereft and bereaved of will, the will to stand and fight,
the man strode slowly forward, preparing to greet the light.
He hadn’t gone too far when he heard a heavenly voice intone,
“You passed the test of worthiness, and so your fate is sown.
Now go and teach the others, and those who wish to learn,
that boons cannot be given freely, but must be rightly earned.”
A hand held down the codpiece, aloft from the clouds on high,
the man donned it immediately, releasing a very happy sigh.
“My thanks for such a gift Lord, you finally understand!
Without such a codpiece, a man’s not a man!”
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