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Codpiece

A knight's not a knight
unless he wears a codpiece

Lyrics by Paige deRosa
an original country anthem

Men with javelins and chained-balls,
rush off to storm the castle walls,
with sword and lance in sheath and hand,
a sight to scare a Saxon band. . .

They take the tower with great force,
and an asinine commotion, of course,
One man alone, stands apart from the rest,
kneeling, praying for the best.

And HE says -

"Give me victory, give me fame,
make my life be ne'er the same,
but most of all, I pray you please,
WOULD you, COULD you, send a codpiece?"

And the Lord spake unto him saying -

"You'll have your victory, you'll have your fame,
your life will never be the same,
but when it comes to for what you yearn,
you cannot get, but must it earn."

A wash of arrows and silvered smoke,
came caving down 'pon the frightened bloke,
dodging arrows and poisoned darts,
he needed a piece for those sacred parts!

"Ah, what joke is this, what joke indeed?
My anger alone, your words doth feed.
My Lord, you must try and understand,
without a codpiece, a man's not a man!"

And the Lord spake unto him, saying -

"You'll have your victory, you'll have your fame,
your life will never be the same,
but when it comes to for what you yearn,
you cannot get, but must it earn."

Grumbling, (grumbling, grumbling) he turned to face the fray,
and found the men were running, much to his dismay,
in his general direction, (to the left a little bit-)
he bit his lip and stood up, muttering a quick "Oh sh--!"

After much deliberation, the man at last did move,
toward the emerging battle, so he could ultimately prove,
his worthiness to wear, that heaven-sent boon,
he smiled, a faint glimmer in his eye, simply muttering, "soon."

The first blow sent his enemy sprawling down,
he stood before him hovering, his lips showing a frown,
he said "to you my friend, I know it may sound somewhat crass,
but I cannot just wait to butcher your big fat a--!"

He butchered him, oh yes, he butchered him indeed,
he butchered him so thoroughly, the body could no more bleed,
with blood streaked 'cross his forehead, a smile setting in,
he said, "it has come to pass, the Lord has let me win."

And he says -

"Give me victory, give me fame,
make my life be ne'er the same,
But most of all, I pray you please,
can I NOW, have that codpiece?"

And the Lord spake unto him, saying -

"I gave you victory, I gave you fame,
I made it so your life's ne'er the same,
Alas, your work I now do see-
you have not yet fulfilled what I asked - your duty."

"Ah, what joke is this, what joke indeed?
My anger alone your words doth feed,
My Lord you must try and understand,
without a codpiece, a man's not a man!"

(You have one more chance-)

Continued . . .




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